What annoys me about dogs, cats and people

About dogs

1. When a dog doesn’t listen and behaves like a cat.

About cats

1. When a cat asks to be let behind a closed door, and then goes neither in nor out. And you can’t close the door anymore, it’ll scratch;
2. When the cat goes to the litter box exactly when you sit down to eat;
3. When it wakes you up at night to play, but runs off somewhere you can’t reach;
4. Feral cats you can’t even pet drive me mad.

About people

1. Categorical statements, snobbery, judgment;
2. When people park across two spaces because it’s “just for five minutes” or “there are plenty of free ones”. If you’re a moron and/or don’t know your car’s size, be honest instead of making up excuses;
3. When people are shy about swearing;
4. When people turn on the indicator in the straight-and-right lane at the very last moment. I want to get inside that person’s head and find out whether they deliberately don’t give a damn about other people’s time and safety;
5. When men talk about their woman in the third person, in a cutesy diminutive tone;
6. When someone says “my little one” without sarcasm;
7. When people talk about an economic crisis like an everyday episode: “In the last crisis the little one and I had to tighten our belts”;
8. When people under 50 use expressions like “tighten our belts”, “a shot in the dark”, “heard it somewhere” and the like;
9. When people don’t wash their hands after the toilet, on the grounds that no crap or pee got on them;
10. When people at the checkout only take out their wallet after the cashier has announced the total;
11. When, after a huge cart of groceries, they ring up a pack of cheap cigarettes on a separate receipt;
12. Human plugs of all kinds. These are the people who stand on the left on an empty escalator, sit in the far left lane on the road with the right lanes free, drive unjustifiably slowly exactly where you can’t pass them. I put them in one group because I suspect they’re all the same people;
13. When taxi drivers creep through the intersection on red, and when the light turns green they crawl along at 40 km/h;
14. When people talk about driving experience only in terms of mileage or years behind the wheel;
15. Wheeler-dealers who lie shamelessly when selling a car drive me mad. The ones who roll back the odometer but forget to remove the service tags;
16. Resellers drive me mad, always whining for perks on the grounds that they create jobs by selling Guangzhou costume jewelry at a 3x markup;
17. IT people drive me mad, the ones who trash resellers every which way while enjoying their privileged position. Especially those who claim their taxes and foreign currency feed the resellers and the doctors;
18. Doctors drive me mad, envying IT people and resellers as if they were the ones paying them their miserable salary. After which they look at patients with a sour face and work with the enthusiasm of a night watchman;
19. When people think minimalism in interior design means poverty;
20. When there’s no taste;
21. Crawlers, wannabe cabbies, lane blockers: all of them drive me mad;
22. When people seriously believe in horoscopes in 2017;
23. When someone kicks the back of your seat on a plane;
24. When people don’t say hello back;
25. When people say: to get anywhere, you have to hustle. Most often it’s said by people with cushy jobs, whose hustle is twirling their keys around a finger;
26. When people judge by appearance;
27. When people pretend that toilet humor isn’t funny;
28. When people say American humor is dumb while laughing their heads off at a Russian sitcom about interns;
29. When someone is ambitious but as dumb as a Soviet champagne cork;
30. When people try, but it doesn’t work out;
31. When it works out, but they don’t try;
32. When people ask for advice on social media and it’s not trolling;
33. When people blind you with their headlights;
34. When people lie for no reason;
35. When in a store, instead of price tags, they flip through a huge catalog in Polish. And then tell you the final price with the markup, using a calculator.
36. When people ask why you don’t have kids. I might also wonder why not everyone brightens up their life with cats, but I tactfully keep quiet. Pets are everyone’s personal choice;
37. When people think they’re better than others in life, not in a specific field;
38. When people count other people’s money;
39. When people do crap work, and in response to criticism say: don’t like it, do better;
40. When people live in crap themselves and drag others down;
41. When people hide behind the phrase: I was just doing my job;
42. When people are ready to stand in a huge line for a trifle;
43. When young people pay their phone bill at the post office;
44. When people buy a smartphone without a data plan;
45. When people find an article by some random nobody and use it to back up all kinds of silly opinions;
46. When people do a bad job because they’re “underpaid”;
47. When people get underpaid for doing a good job;
48. When people copy someone else’s culture and force it on everyone else. Asanas, smoothie sermons and talk about how eating a cow is the same as eating a dog. Values form over a lifetime, not in 5 minutes of sipping a smoothie at a barbershop;
49. When people say women can’t cut men’s hair. Although I agree that the one who best shaves a perfect pineapple on a tattooed bearded guy’s head is another tattooed bearded guy with a pineapple on his head;
50. Penny-pinchers;
51. Sneaky penny-pinchers;
52. Useless sneaky penny-pinchers;
53. Drivers who drive between lanes;
54. When people barge into the express checkout with a full cart;
55. When someone blocks you in at the parking lot;
56. When someone blocks you in at the parking lot and leaves a phone number;
57. When people plan a year ahead;
58. When people quote “personal growth” and “time management” programs and other rocket science;
59. When people brag about how many books they’ve read;
60. When people with a huge income say the main thing in life is travel experiences, not material things;
61. When people tell you how best to live;
62. When people draw firm conclusions about a car crash from a photo;
63. When people blow their nose on the street without a tissue;
64. When, in a crowd all walking in one direction, someone suddenly stops and turns around;
65. When people say the combustion engine has 5-10-50 years left to live. And all petrolheads will urgently switch to a Tesla;
66. Wedding games;
67. A wedding MC trying his hardest to be just a “host”;
68. Religious fanaticism;
69. When at the fruit market they weigh 1.38 kg instead of one kilogram and don’t even round the total;
70. When an online store doesn’t call back to tell you the item wasn’t, isn’t and won’t be in stock;
71. When people block the aisle in a store with their shopping cart;
72. When people talk on the phone in a public toilet;
73. When people take the elevator to the 3rd floor;
74. When people “save” spots in a parking lot or a canteen;
75. When people rent a snooker table and play by pool rules;
76. When people take the middle lanes in a swimming pool without knowing how to swim;
77. When people ask why you need two cats or two cars;
78. When people ask you to like a contest post;
79. Calls before 10 a.m.;
80. Cheap Chinese xenon and tinted film on headlights;
81. When a government office invites me to come at any time convenient for me, from 4 to 5:30 p.m. on weekdays;
82. When there’s no sense of humor;
83. When people answer constructive criticism of some sides of life with: stop whining;
84. When people don’t see irony;
85. When people treat a budget car under warranty like a precious relic;
86. When people say: you must have a lot of free time.

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