Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.— Herman Hesse
Do you know how to let go? I’ll bet half a pint of light beer that you don’t. I don’t either. Not fully. But I really want to learn.
Modern society lives under constant stress, and Belarus, on top of that, is firmly stuck in the global top-20 for suicide rates. So if there was ever a good time to start letting go, it’s now.
We understand problems. But some people manage to complicate even rest. For example, counting every coin during a two-week vacation, while the other 350 days of the year they freely waste money on branded T-shirts or stretch ceilings.
So let’s go step by step. Let’s look at the standard problems of a modern human and decide which ones deserve anxiety and which should be let go. Ideally, all of them. But reality is rarely that simple.
Let’s try to find a balance between absolute nihilism and the false values of modern society.
The Housing
Saint Concete, the great martyr and patron saint of deceived real-estate investors, holds us tightly in his concrete embrace. Historically, every decent Belarusian by the age of 25 either already owns an apartment in the capital worth at least 100 average salaries or dreams of acquiring one (almost wrote “buying”).
There are rational arguments in favor of owning property. Not the fairy tale about real estate always going up in price (it doesn’t), but the very real comfort of living in your own place. Especially compared to the rental market with carpets on the walls, landlords, risks, and half-mad sole proprietors with no taste or morals.
Yes, if you already have housing, it’s more convenient than renting. But if we’re talking about buying or, God forbid, building property in the capital with borrowed money, all the downsides of renting fade in comparison. Tears of brutal saving. Days at construction sites. Months standing with posters saying “Only the President can help us.” Stress from exchange rates. And, irony of ironies, renting a miserable temporary place during construction, often extended into legal battles with the developer.
There is nothing to hold on to here. Let the square meters go. At least until a truly safe option appears.
Money
Let’s raise the difficulty level. Money, salaries, bonuses. Everyone loves money. No debate here. The only task is to find the line where love turns into something destructive.
Rich people cry too. Just less often. Of course, it’s pointless to tell someone not to worry about money if they haven’t even reached the first level of Maslow’s pyramid. But it’s important to understand that money doesn’t guarantee inner balance and can easily destroy it.
I’m not telling you to give up material goods, and I’m not leaving a PayPal link at the end. Just answer honestly: what exactly will more money give you, and what side effects will it have, given your personality?
If you earn minimum wage and twist pig tails for a living, should you break the law to make ten times more? Especially if the result is just better food and a shiny Audi Q7. Think about it.
Career
In Italian, carriera means “a run.” In Belarus, it means status. You either enjoy the process itself or clearly know where you’re running. If you’re chasing one of the illusions above, maybe it’s time to let go.
In the provinces, you can still hear: “Kolya works as a boss.” A boss of workers, to be precise. What Kolya actually does doesn’t matter. The title itself is supposed to guarantee respect and status.
But the world has changed. In developed countries, a manager can earn less than a skilled worker. Status today is relative. Is it worth clinging to it if your soul wants something else?
Along with career-for-career’s-sake, maybe it’s worth letting go of other Soviet atavisms, like obsession with stockpiling. That’s why our fridges look like cryogenic chambers for a boar meant to survive until the year 3020, balconies resemble landfills, and closets look like second-hand stores.
Relationships
This includes romantic relationships, social circles, colleagues, and dependence on strangers’ opinions. In all of these, you need to know how to let go.
In love, you have to hold on with all your strength, you might say. To a point. Until it starts working against you. Take jealousy, for example.
Jealousy is a destructive feeling caused by a perceived lack of attention, love, or respect from someone very important to you, while someone else is receiving it.
— Wikipedia
The worse the jealousy, the higher the chance the fears become real. A perfect paradox. Let it go.
When love is gone, it’s even simpler. Holding on is not just pointless but harmful. Any issue of Cosmopolitan will explain this better than I can.
Peer pressure
We want to be liked so badly that we lose the joy of communication itself. Let go of the need to please everyone. You might even strengthen friendships by doing so.
It’s good to have your own opinion and respect others’. It’s unhealthy to depend on them. Especially in a high-tech world where every nobody feels obligated to add their five cents.
Imagine you made a socially important film. Liam Neeson attended the premiere. Five hundred million people watched it. Ninety percent loved it. Sounds good, right? Unless you focus on the fifty million who hated it. Among them, one million would happily punch you, and fifty thousand seriously want to ruin your life.
The idea is simple: don’t cling to the bad. Paying attention to haters is like going on a picnic in a huge park and sitting next to the only pile of shit.
I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.
― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club
Plans
This might be personal, but I suggest letting go of long-term planning and time management. I once read about a financier who bragged about timing every activity. He literally timed his bathroom breaks. The benefit of this is questionable and mostly enriches people with the most useless professions on Earth.
They say planning a summer vacation in February is profitable. Maybe. But where’s the fun? Try letting go of planning something you usually prepare for six months in advance.
Self-help books suggest starting with short-term plans and moving to long-term ones. I suggest the opposite. First, accept that your life probably won’t shift the orbit of Earth, let alone the universe. Then let go of plans after retirement. Then yearly plans. Then monthly ones. If you reach weekly planning, you’re doing great.
Diet and Healthy Lifestyle
If it’s not yours, let it go.
Living one way for 30–40 years and another for three months rarely works. Either accept it as a lifestyle or stop torturing yourself.
